Resistance and Feeling Crazy Inside.
For some of us, we’re so well adapted that we now call this place home. 🚪🛌🧸
At this point, when we moved in, when we found ourselves evicted from our true home—is now a great mystery. 🧩
As for me—it started small, subtly. Of course, I didn’t know this then…but upon retracing my steps, upon growing in my awareness, I’ve been able to identify the roots.
It started with being asked why I loved to play with pots and pans (circa 2-3 years old). It started with being teased for enjoying singing the “girl” parts in songs. It started with being punished for having a “smart mouth.” It started with the extreme anxiety I had for not enjoying playing basketball with the other boys and refusing to do karate, like my brother. It started with being questioned for my preference to bathe with Dove soap instead of the harsh Irish Spring.
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By the time I reached middle school, I was completely conformed. I’d been domesticated. I’d settled in well to my new home: CRAZY. By the time I reached high school, I began to even decorate the place. The mirror and the criticism I found when standing in front of it, seemed to be my favorite pastime. 🪞
You see…that’s how it all started. And—the details of it all seem to matter less now. That’s the past and there is no changing it. I’ve had to forgive THEM and, most importantly, ME. Me? Yes, for the person I became through my innocent and ignorant understanding of what was happening at the time.
Awareness drove me to the house, acceptance helped me clean it out, and forgiveness gave me the courage to leave—for good. 🌱
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It all comes down to learning to trust, again. It comes down to recognizing that unsettled-ness that you get in your stomach (solar plexus ☀️)—that tightness that expands in your heart space 💚. And then, the golf ball that sits in your throat 🗣. The tension that builds between your eyebrows 👁 and expands over your head (👑 chakra). All of this, arises each time TRUST is required. Each time your instincts attempt to guide you.
You have to recognize each time you arrive at the crazy house. You must grow aware of the symptoms of a long standing history of calling yourself crazy.
And then, what do you do next? You FIGHT BACK 🥊🥊. You remind yourself that you are somebody. You say your affirmations, audaciously. You grab your stones. You pull out your journal and get to work at releasing those old stagnant feelings (energy). You recall the number of times you actually knew what you knew, and then denied and repressed yourself, only to turn out to have been right in the end. 🙏🏽 Allow your resume of overlooking your instincts to be your sword to fight through the resistance. As it is resistance, the resistance you will face because you decided to return back home, to YOU.
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You aren’t crazy. You may not always be right, either—but you aren’t crazy. You are learning to honor your truth, your instincts—and that’s new for you. Just as you adapted to the home of crazy, you will learn to adapt to this new home—a home built with love. The kind of love that invites peace, joy, and freedom.