Now In Reach: Transcending Trauma
This year has given me permission to say the things I couldn’t previously say. It’s been a year of confessions and inner declarations. This year has helped me find and claim things that I previously couldn’t reach. I now have access, but most of all, I have seized territory. The story is no longer about healing, it’s about transcending…it’s about the life that is found after death, after confronting the lesser known parts of you. I have survived. And surviving implies strength. Surviving implies an overcoming of obstacles. Surviving implies a process was endured, and with that process: a story.
“It’s not what happened in your life, it’s how you write about it.” -David Sedaris
And so, I write. I continue to write. I write, just as I breathe. I will continue to write my way forward. Writing has helped me right my way to a higher ground. Writing has saved me, its baptized me in the sacred waters of truth. Writing has been my shepherd, my rod and staff through many dark nights. Writing reflects me, the parts that are lost and found. Writing has helped me discover and rediscover myself. Writing has given me direction—a future to look forward to. Writing has helped me put people and places in their proper place. Writing has helped me locate and strengthen my boundaries. Before I ever knew me, I knew writing—and I am grateful for the me that writing has helped me uncover.
“You cannot begin to love yourself until you acknowledge yourself.” -RuPaul
I have learned not to cling. I have learned to not allow the new found version to limit me from what else is possible and true. I have learned to enjoy, to find gratitude for each emerging version, but not to become transfixed. Because I know, this cycle will end—this layer will soon need to be shed. This cycle shall too repeat itself. In a moments notice, that fire will come again, and I will have to go. Although I will be back, I will also never be back.
“Stop picking on yourself, worrying if you’re good enough, wondering what people will see if you let them see your heart. This is what they’ll see: that you are a lovable and delightful soul, a beautiful child of God.”
-Melody Beattie
I know for sure that it is possible. It is possible to grow into love, your power, and peace about who you are even in the presence of your past and fears. It is possible to move on and to come to know your strengths in the presence of each of your unrelenting shames and doubts. I have come to know myself not because the environment was toxin free or ideal, but because it was filled with those very things. And despite the absence of the things I thought I needed, I still knew those things. I knew those things because they were always a part of me—they were, in fact, the very things that were guiding me.
I know today that life will work with and for you, if only you would give yourself and your life a chance. If you stay closed, if you are so obsessed with retelling the same story over and over again, then you will get more of the same. But if you open yourself to the possibility that there is more to see and understand, that’s when you will find your breakthrough—that’s when light exposes darkness. Not everything will get into alignment with your mind, that’s why there is the heart…the way and mystery of the heart. The heart speaks a different language, if only you will find the time and space to listen.
Resist the temptation to abandon yourself. Resist the temptation to play and remain the victim. Behind each fear you will find the same face. Behind each fear you will find yourself facing and surviving the very things you feared. You will begin to learn that you have been given the Grace to endure, survive, and rise again. You will learn that you know how to go further than far—that those dark and low moments are openings, opportunities to grow into a fuller version of you. They are divine moments afforded for you to grow your well of self-compassion, understanding, and wisdom. You will find that your vulnerabilities, the parts of you that you perceive as weaknesses and choose to hide from, will be the parts that will set you free, when you learn to acknowledge, love, and embrace them. You will find that you are no mistake, that there is a purpose you have been sent here to accomplish and that agenda includes loving and trusting yourself. In facing your fears you are only facing yourself.
Stay open to transcending your trauma. Stay open to that sweet moment that is coming, when it will be time to move on with your life. Stay open to the story that you must live through in order to one day tell, to share with the world for inspiration and healing.