Decide.
“The oak fought the wind and was broken, the willow bent when it must and survived.” -Robert Jordan
It took every ounce of strength in me to walk out of the Doll House that day. That’s what we called our place. A diverse college home, filled with members from two different sororities and two different fraternities. The place actually looked like a doll house too, at least from the road. Once you got really close, you would probably more affectionately call it a “crumbling” doll house.
It was one of those days when all of my problems came to a head. They’re the same ones I had yesterday and the day before, but today they feel different. I was ready to drop out of school. The embarrassment of not being able to pay my rent and having to figure out a story to tell my landlord was overwhelming. I just kept thinking, how could I come to my senior year and have to give up now? After laying in my fears for a bit, I decided to do what I always did. I did this during every cross-country race, every test to which I knew no answers, and it was the only option I had after I heard the judge sentence my father to 18 years in federal prison. I kept going.
As I walked up the hill towards class that day, I sang the lyrics to a song that we often sang at Mt. Nebo Baptist Church when I was a kid. The women’s choir group would come marching in, singing this song with such grace and confidence. It was one of those songs that instantly reconnected me to myself, hope, and Source.
We’ve come this far by Faith
Leaning on the LORD
Trusting in His Holy Word
He never failed me yet
Oh’ can’t turn around
We’ve come this far by Faith
In this time of great tension, fear, and anxiety—the conversation and case for Faith is more relevant than ever. Let me be the first to say that, as a homosexual African-American male, it has taken me 26/27 years to understand what Faith is and what it is not. What I’ve come to understand is that Faith can (indeed) be connected to a religion or religious practice, however, it’s not a requirement. I define Faith as a connection with a power or source outside of myself, where I can place my trust in the face of any situation, especially one where I have no control.
Not sure what to do right now? Not sure what to believe? Here is what I recommend.
Decide: decide that you are here to stay. Decide that, when this is all said and done, that you will be stronger and more resilient than ever. Decide that you will not allow fear to consume you. Decide that you are here to stay. When you make this bold commitment to yourself and the world, you will inevitably walk away from all this stronger than ever. But first, you must decide.