A New Agreement: The Process to Releasing the Past.
. . . on my knees, praying. I couldn’t have been more than 7 years old at the time. I'm not sure who taught me, but it felt right. I guess I was desperate to have someone to talk to, honestly. I let it all out, “God, I think you got this wrong. Can you check to be sure?”
It's wild how I believed, even at such a young age, in a higher power (God, Spirit, Source, Universe etc.). I call it different names, but I'm always referencing some force or energy that is much larger than me and you. If you examine my earliest prayer, you will notice that it was fear based. A reflection of my heart, of my childhood influence. My story began with me rejecting my story. It began with me asking for a new deck of cards. It just…it just seemed like too much weight for me to carry. Too much of a battle and journey for my spirit to endure.
Journaling regularly aides the process of agreement exposure.
On Monday, as I was journaling, I realized that somehow I came into agreement with "all those" who said and thought my being was wrong. "Boys don't play with baby dolls and they don’t have long hair." "You are too fat (at one point)." "You are too skinny (at another point." The toxicity builds and builds, until, finally you believe it. However, the biggest voice of all, came from the Church, religion, and many of its followers. "Being gay is wrong." And I...I agreed with them.
"These types of spells are difficult to break. The only thing that can break a spell is to make a new agreement based on truth."
-Don Miguel Ruiz
After bringing the gift of awareness to these flawed, restrictive, and fear based agreements...I was led to step into a new one. One that I've always believed. That we are EACH created with purpose. That we are all creative, resourceful, and whole. Above all, I now know for sure, that there is NO separation between me and the Creator. You see, that was the greatest tragedy, the thorn in my spirit: believing that I was somehow disconnected from God. It was this separation that caused me to wander. This wandering led to distraction. This distraction caused a deep desperation to "fix" me. And finally, this desperation brought me to many moments of defeat.