What do You Desire?
When I was a kid, I loved to play with pots and pans. I remember being told once, “boys shouldn’t play with pots and pans.” I also, mysteriously, enjoyed sitting at the kitchen counter, watching my grandmother as she whipped up the pancake batter. On Sundays, the first thing she did upon waking was turn on the black, rusted radio in the laundry room closet. When I heard Kirk Franklin playing, I knew it was a matter of time before she would rudely bust in the room, “time to get up.” As I sit there on the stool, admiring her, she would gently hum each song that played. Every once in a while, the radio host would interrupt the music to make announcements about homecoming services, birthdays, and special church services or anniversaries. It was only the late 90’s/early 20’s, but the radio host sounded like he was using one of those Elvis (steel-vintage) microphones, his voice synergistically matching the era: stiff and precise to every word. I desperately wanted to help my grandmother cook, but she was not the type to allow people to help…especially not little kids. She was and still is a germaphobe, and kids inhabited the most germs. So, I sat there, on the stool watching her. This was my version of a basketball or football game.
I also loved to play with baby dolls. This, however, could not be done in the eye of any adult, dare I risk the humiliation and possibility of my father finding out. So, I would hide in the far corner of a bedroom, tucked away as much as possible. Depending on where I was, I would ensure my secrecy and safety by locking the door. One time, my grandfather walked in on me combing Barbie’s hair. I quickly tossed her to the side. It was too late, I was caught. He gave me a look; the look was all I needed. I knew what it meant.
So what?
I bring this up because what seemed like small, insignificant moments of my life would little by little deter me from connecting with my desires. Over time, I would completely suppress what I wanted from life. My ability to voice what I wanted became so constrained that simple things like deciding what I wanted to eat was hard. The problem with this is, not knowing what you want will always keep you at the mercy of what you don’t want. Energetically, you become submissive and abused by the desires of others. Unknowingly, you will continually find yourself in circumstances and relationships that keep you drained, not knowing or realizing why you are not living with joy.
How do you know if you aren’t connected to what YOU want?
Typically, the first responder is “BUT.” “But if I do this, blah blah blah.” It can be a number of things, a host of excuses keeping you trapped and enslaved to your current energetic pattern. You must realize that the premise of life is freedom, the result of life is creative expansion, while the true purpose of life is to live with love and joy. Take it from someone who was once ashamed, disconnected, and afraid to create out of a place of his true desires. I didn’t know love or joy, therefore, I couldn’t truly give it. Over time, I turned all my creative talents inward so that I could find out what Darrien Jamar wanted from life. Little by little, I tightened my energetic boundaries as I confessed to the Universe that I am no longer a slave to fear or the desires of others. Little by little, I let what I wanted from life speak to me. Little by little, with courage, I began to listen.
The process towards connecting to your heart’s (TRUE) desires:
1. Carve out 10 minutes every day to sit in silence.
a. Quiet your mind and connect to your heart by mindfully breathing (pick a number of breaths) and/or meditating for a few minutes.
2. Ask yourself, what do I want?
a. From life (legacy)
b. A soulmate/partner/lover
c. From your job/profession
d. For today
e. For your home environment
3. Journal. Write your responses down.
a. Get specific. Simply stating “financial freedom” is not enough. Saying, “to be happy” is not specific enough. Ask yourself, “what would having X look and feel like.”
4. Return tomorrow.
a. Each day will bring you greater perspective and insight. This will help to enhance your desires, leading you towards specificity. Specificity and focus are the nature of manifestation.
5. Forgive.
a. Forgive the person who once did not know what you desired out of life. Forgive the people who, it may have felt, robbed you of your freedom, creative expression, and joy. Forgive yourself for the way your healing my call you to gracefully exit circumstances that no longer serve you.