As Featured in Bold Journey Magazine: Developing Confidence and Self-esteem
We recently connected with Dr. Darrien Jamar and have shared our conversation below.
Dr. Darrien , so great to have you with us and we want to jump right into a really important question. In recent years, it’s become so clear that we’re living through a time where so many folks are lacking self-confidence and self-esteem. So, we’d love to hear about your journey and how you developed your self-confidence and self-esteem.
I have found myself feeling and being much more confident and aware of the fullness of who I am as a natural byproduct of healing…of doing the inner work. I heard it said once that healing is letting go; manifesting is receiving. As a result of healing (releasing) we naturally grow more aware and understanding of who we are. Arriving at and with a more clear and refined sense of who we are (manifesting) brings and gives us an instinctive permission to embody who we are…doing so not from ego or a place where we have to “think” about being confident and having self-esteem, but from the heart. The heart knows how to live and have our being in this world, both from a place of essential humility and confidence; from a place of gentleness and peace, but also from an affirmative and assertive place.
Let’s take a small detour – maybe you can share a bit about yourself before we dive back into some of the other questions we had for you?
Stepping into 2024, I had a strong sense of the forecast for this year. I was detecting fire, I sensed that this year would be transformative in a way I had not yet experienced. The phoenix is the spirit animal that came to me, as our guide, protector, and inspiration throughout this year. In every area of my life, I am currently witnessing things being set ablaze. And my natural (strong instinct) is to rush to put water on these fires, yet I have not only been instructed not to do so—but to add more wood, to let these fires grow bigger. In my nonprofit this has looked like stepping back and allowing others to lead, to take charge and allowing my energy to be utilized in other more productive ways. In my practice (business) it’s been about walking through new doors with boldness, with faithful expectation, and trusting my readiness. In my personal life, it’s been a releasing of old contracts, attachments and bonds. Old and subliminal ways of codependency have come to the surface and I have been renegotiating my role and energy in these relationships.
In my meditation, I continue to see and feel myself standing under the sun and stars. Through all of this, my firm and stable foundation, to allow myself to be in a season of fire…an element and energy that I am least familiar with (and most unlike me, naturally)…has been my relationship with myself. I am hypersensitive to the ways my ongoing healing and obedience to my life’s path has prepared me for this moment. This year has led me to this place of knowing, for sure, that the most important relationship we will ever have is our relationship with self.
There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?
Embrace solitude. Honestly, it was something I felt ashamed of for a while. I felt like it was wrong to embrace my hermit-ness, especially in my early twenties. It was especially challenging, during that time, because that’s when I really began on my spiritual healing journey. Culture says that’s the time (your early twenties) when you should be “outside,” doing the most..embracing your youth. In order to honor myself, I had to contradict society. Although I am much less of a hermit today, I still have those moments when I must retreat, break away from the world and the noise around me—to get clear, to ground, to shed my old skin. Solitude is sacred.
Respect seasons. In the same vein, my respect for seasons has been enhanced. Nature has helped me most in understanding timing and rhythms; nature has helped me learn when to lean into certain things and when to break away. Nature has taught me that you don’t have to be one thing all the time and forever—as life is constantly changing and shifting. Both the challenge and the prize is to be with these changes, these seasons.
Stay open to infinite possibilities. I have been sitting with a quote a friend shared with me earlier this year: Faith is the place between logic and infinite possibilities. Going back to my healing journey, early on, I found myself in the deepest place of despair that I had ever known. And yet, from that place of hopelessness, I felt my higher self calling me to prove wrong the limits of my mind…I felt myself being called to close my eyes and see with my heart. I brought myself out of the darkest place I had ever been in in my life. Over the course of the years, I have been called back to surrender again and again to this idea of infinite possibilities—to see not with my mind’s eye, but from my heart…from my soul, from heaven.
The advice I consistently have for anyone, really, is to take the time to nurture your relationship with yourself. Prioritize the relationship you have with yourself and from that place—add and build on to it. And it’s not that everything within or about you will ever be perfect, even as you grow and heal…there will always be something. But as you continue doing the inner work, you will learn (and accept) this truth and have peace. Actually, you will no longer see it as a goal (to be perfect) because you will find something so much better…deeper. You’ll find love for yourself, and that kind of love is able to hold everything together, it’s able to hold all of your imperfections so well that they are made beautiful.
Awesome, really appreciate you opening up with us today and before we close maybe you can share a book recommendation with us. Has there been a book that’s been impactful in your growth and development?
Many books have blessed my life over the years—each meeting me perfectly within the season I am in. This year I have been expanded in such a majestic way by Greek mythology books. It all started with the Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller. This book invited me into a whole new world that I suspected existed, but I didn’t know how or when I would enter this universe. I have since found myself imagining my life in a new way, unable to go back to my old ways of seeing the world. I guess, too, the best books leave you with a thirst for something different…something greater. It’s also a beautiful story about queer love.